Money can be a touchy subject for couples, that’s why it’s important to have a good foundation, by asking important money questions before marriage.
The ideal situation is to discuss and understand your partner’s money slant and this is only possible by asking hard questions before marriage.
Before we get into the questions, let’s go over some ground rules for having this conversation, or any other for that matter.
1. Choose the appropriate time and location.
It is critical to do this in a conducive environment when you are not tired or stressed, and there are no distractions.
You can also schedule regular money dates normalising money conversations in your relationship and make the discussions more enjoyable.
2. Be honest with each other
It is common for people to hide things and financial decisions from their partners, from minor things like a new bag to major ones like property. It should not be so
Being truthful also means saying exactly what you mean and sharing your true feelings
Being dishonest about money is one of the most damaging things you can do.
3. Listen
The most important step toward effective communication is to begin with listening, listen to hear what your partner is saying rather than trying to defend yourself or make excuses.
While listening It’s good practice to pay complete attention, maintain eye contact, ask questions and not make assumptions
4. Be Non-judgemental
We may be tempted to judge or categorise right and wrong, but this defeats the purpose.
The goal is to see things from your spouse’s point of view, to understand where they are coming from, what their fears, struggles, and strengths are.
You must be emphatic in your communication.
5. Set goals
Setting goals is what aligns and unites opposing points of view
There are a number of compelling reasons to overcome your apprehension and sit down with your partner to discuss money.
These money questions should not be asked in a one sitting but series of money dates
This is the first question to ask your partner before marriage
The current version of us is filled with deposits from various influences, the most prominent of which are our parents. These, for better or worse, shape us in various ways.
For example, if your father has always handled the finances with little or no input from your mother, you may want your partner to take the lead automatically and easily pass yourself off as incompetent.
Asking each other these questions will help us understand where our partner is coming from and will allow us to be gracious and nonjudgmental.
Things we see, hear, and are taught as children stay with us longer than we might think, unless we take deliberate steps to unlearn through books, mentors, courses, and so on.
Its important to share and learn this part of your partner
Although we have been shaped and taught to handle money in a certain way up to this point, it is important to share your ideas on how you believe couples should manage their finances.
If you decide to combine your finances, you must be sincere about all previous commitments.
Many people lend their support to others such as parents, children, this could be a financial strain,
It is critical to be aware of this and budget accordingly as a family.
This is also an opportunity to review and make new decisions as a family while considering other goals
When it comes to expenses, we all have different amounts that we consider a large expense, and it is critical in marriage to agree on this number.
For example spending £250 without consulting my partner may seem like a small amount because anything over £500 is considered a big decision for me, but spending £200 is considered a big decision for my partner.
Do you see opportunities for disagreement and stress?
Those who decide to combine their finances can do so by including a guilt-free, fun spending amount in their monthly budget. You have complete control over the amount.
For those who choose to manage their finances separately, this can be achieved by setting a spending limit and agreeing that anything above that will need to be discussed with your spouse.
What a person spends their money on reveals what is truly important to them. Our spending reveals what we value.
The key is to agree with your partner on the amount or percentage and to who you want to give it.
Giving financially to causes and organisations that align with your values is good.
There will be financial emergencies in life, and the larger the emergency or crisis, the greater the likelihood of conflict. What matters is how you handle it.
Knowing each other’s perspectives on financial crises and how you intend to handle them is an important discussion and agreement to reach.
Do you or your partner have an emergency fund? Having an emergency fund is a good way to plan for unforeseen events.
Discussing this money question before marriage is critical because you want to know whether your partner believes in keeping debt or in being debt-free, whether they use credit cards to fund their lifestyle, thereby living above their means, or not.
They may have debt now, but their overall debt deposition is the real deal. In the future, how do you or your partner intend to use debt?
It is critical to align your approach and values around debt prior to marriage.
Being with someone who is okay and always look to debt as the first option will be a big issue if you don't like having debt
The purpose of this question is not to judge the goals, but to align, support, or create new goals that you will both work towards, and most importantly, to create a plan to achieve those goals.
Your goals should be discussed and agreed upon well in advance; this is logical because you do not want to realise after 2, 5, or 20 years that you are somewhere you do not want to be.
There are no correct or incorrect answers; you are simply attempting to comprehend your partner’s style.
If you and your partner are both savers, you may have a tendency to avoid spending money on having fun and creating memories together.
If you and your partner are both spenders, you may be living on the edge with no money, which is terrifying.
Meanwhile, if one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, the constant battle may breed resentment.
Balance is essential. My wife is a natural saver who is learning to spend, whereas I am a spender who is learning to save, and I am grateful that we discussed this before marriage.
We have developed an understanding and appreciation for one another.
Asking your partner these money questions will help you understand how they feel and their thoughts about money.
The differences discovered when discussing these money questions with your partner do not imply that the relationship will fail
Rather, you must agree, seek to understand each other, learn and find common ground.
You will be able to make more informed decisions as a result of your knowledge.
